Couples, Swingers, Advice, Etiquette, Xtasia Swingers Club Near Birmigham West Midlands

Single Girls and Couples

1. Probably the most secure and safe way to move into the swinging scene as a single girl is with a couple. The pure fact that both of them are there, will remove a lot of issues normally encountered with another single, female or male. One of the most important factors is honesty. This way at least you know the position between them, both are talking to you together, and probably no secrets exist between them.

2. This will allow you to discuss openly how far they’d like things to go, what the emphasis of the meetings is, what is allowed and not allowed, and probably most importantly, what happens after!

3. Most couples are looking for a single bi-female. Probably the most adverts on this site after the single males ones are from couples in this position. Therefore, if single, and bi, you are coming from a point of strength already and can be choosey over who you meet up with. Many of the male partners will be happy to sit back and watch, many others will have a desperate urge to join in, so be clear on the ground rules you’re happy with before commencing play. Also be aware that if its girls only, and the partner is watching, then cameras or videos may feature in his agenda. This will leave you with a decision to make, mainly about how much you trust the couple! Best advice we can give is to leave it for a few meets first, getting to know them better before film is taken of you in action. If not happy with the idea, then make it clear on day one! You will also find that couples are great company. They provide the ideal means of meeting new swingers, enlarging your circle of friends in a secure environment, as the couple normally act as a chaperone as much as you want them to be. Clearly state your feelings to them if you require additional room at parties to enjoy yourself elsewhere though, they will normally appreciate your honesty, and it gives them time to do their own thing as well.

4.Only one warning in this situation, Do Not Fall in Love! With either party! Do not even become clingy or closer to one than the other, it will only end the relationship between you and them if you get too close. Both parties will often pick up on this occurring, and early moves should be made to avoid the situation at all costs.

Single Girls and Single Girls

1. Some of the best relationships in swinging are between single girls in the scene. Because they are there to enjoy themselves, because they can flirt and tease, or let loose in a room, walking away at the end of the night without any fears on what happens the day after, they seem to all get on together. It doesn’t even mean they need to be bi-sexual. Often they are happy socialising all evening with each other, without any play occurring at all. “Its just a great night out, beats a nightclub, getting drunk, sleeping with some jerk and then thinking what the hell did I do that for in the morning, every time!”

2. Initial contact between single girls is often at clubs like this. Maybe then progressing to attending a social meet together in private. However, once they’ve made it that far, they often become part of the scene very quickly, and are often the centre of attention, from other couples, and from single males. Difficult to give any real standard advice on single girls getting together! The beauty of this kind of relationship, is they often just sort it out for themselves, by being open and chatty with each other. The end result is a pleasure to watch or be part of.

Single Girls and Single Men

1. This area is probably the hardest to define simply. Virtually every other point we have made on the single girls advice pages applies, so please read all pages thoroughly before embarking on this voyage.

2. Single men in the swinging context means exactly that, they are single men! This does not mean that they are single in their private lives. They may well be married, engaged, have long-term girlfriends, or infact be single! We have no way of verifying this for you on the site, nor would we wish to, so you as single ladies need to decide for yourself how to play this.

3. If happy with any of the above then so be it. We are not here to criticise or condone members for their actions, although we would expect there to be regular debates on the subject on the message forums, which you may find of interest following through. If however you wish to avoid married or attached men, then look out for a few well-known trademarks. Wedding rings, wedding ring marks, inability to accommodate, unwillingness to give a home telephone number once you get to know them, inability to stay out all night, etc. are all give aways, although there may well be another explanation. You will often find that one or more of the above is just a first clue, don't ignore it.

4. Single, single men often present another problem. One of getting too involved. You are single, they are single, you both get on, and all of a sudden you're a couple! Is this what you wanted, and is swinging an ideal way of finding a new partner? Swinging as a lifestyle for a single is a way of meeting new partners on a regular basis. Is this what you wish to do, and is it what your new partner really wishes to do? Just be aware that if you wish to move out of swinging to concentrate on a life together, then your new swinging partner may be reluctant to give up the lifestyle!

5. The best way to play it with singles is not to form any deep attachments. You are there for fun, and so are they. Have it, and move on. If it was really good, go back for a bit more every so often, but try not to make a habit of it. Keep a little distance and you'll be fine. As already stated, many of the other pages apply to this field, ensure you've read the page on being able to say No, Safety, Emotions and Let Downs in particular.

Safety

1. We all have some degree of common sense; however the lull of smooth chat and a good-looking guy could override all of that if you're not careful!! Take a step back and always think before jumping in. Always make sure you have checked out thoroughly anyone you are to meet. One of the safest ways is to meet at a swingers club. You are with others who know the score and if things aren't what you were expecting you are in a safe environment. If you decide to meet either a couple or a single guy/woman later, ensure that you speak to them on the phone first, if it's a couple, ask to speak to the woman so you can a) be assured there is one, and b) that she knows what the guy is planning!! We have had e-mails from a supposed couple only to find out later the wife knew nothing about her partners plans for her, so do be careful!! You also then have a contact number you can leave at home when you do decide to meet.

2. Safe Sex is a must but it's all down to personal preference. Don't leave it till the crucial moment to say "errrrr where's your condom?" Ensure if possible that you talk about it early on, so last minute surprises and embarrassment don't occur. Always carry your own supply, kept close at hand at all times, therefore avoiding a problem if the guy isn't quite so clued up! Try using a small wrist bag with such items as condoms, maybe a tube of lube, and some tissues. Condoms do have a habit of drying a girl out, so always carry what you personally need to overcome such difficulties. If you intend to use the sauna, where just a towel is worn, try having a quiet word with your target male before vanishing upstairs to a playroom, to ensure he knows to bring something with him. Often you will find the guys carry their condoms under their locker key wristbands, clearly visible and saving the need to mention them at all.

Emotions

Remember this scene is for sex; it's not a place to look for love and deep meaningful relationships!! Not that it can't happen, but if that's what you're looking for this isn't the place for it!! If you can't handle "one night stand" type sex, then don't even think about moving into swinging. If you attend socials and club meetings it's a great way to make new friends who are on your wavelength, but understand that maybe the guy, couple or woman who you're with today might be with someone else the next time you see them. Be aware that the guy in the couple belongs to the lady, even though he might be having sex with you right now he will be going home with her, that's the way it is and you have to be mentally prepared for that. I know I have "special" guys that I would love to have just for myself, but I can handle the fact it's not going to be that way even if the green eyed monster appears in the back of my head sometimes!!!

How to say NO

1. Probably the most difficult situation is how to say no nicely. It could be at any point that you need to do this, from a meeting in a bar, to a guy just about to try anal with you! The most honest and straightforward way, believe it or not is just to say No. All swingers know, understand and respect this wish. Don't feel you need to justify yourself, you don't. If it's not right for you then the situation will only get worse if you allow it to continue, so be bold. You can try to soften the blow slightly, with comments like, "Sorry, that's not for me" or "no, I don't enjoy that". Genuine players will understand every time, and respect your wishes.

2. Issues can arise when people just don't get the message. Here you need to be stronger. If someone has heard your No and still carries on, then its time to get up and move out of the situation. Often this is a single guy or couple, attending a club for a first time, and not what we would consider to be genuine swingers yet. They have yet to understand the rules, and in the heat of the moment they feel that a slight change in direction will be enough to keep you going. If you want out, then get out. Ask the club owner, party organiser, or site manager to have a quiet word with the individual concerned. Most owners and managers have come across this situation hundreds of times, and know how to deal with it with little or no fuss. It's pointless making a big song and dance over it. Don't go slagging someone off over the web, shouting about him or her in the club or anything like that, it's not worth the hassle.

So in summing up

1. Be prepared mentally; know what you want and what you can handle. Things will change over time, as you feel more at home in these situations.

2. Stay safe, always carry condoms, only meet when you're ready and feel you know enough about the person to feel secure. Leave information on where and with whom you're going, either at home or with a trusted friend.

3. Be honest, you expect to know exactly what you're going to get, so make sure the other parties have been told what you're prepared to give.

4. And the last and most important point???? HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!